


TRANSMUTE

by kwuintessence



Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 20:53:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8548756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwuintessence/pseuds/kwuintessence
Summary: DEFINITION: change in form, nature, or substance.*This is the prequel to TRANSMUTED.*





	

 

Every bit of him was broken and worn down. From his head, all the way down to the tips of his toes. His soul viciously wrung out and left in tatters, his heart ruthlessly emptied out. There was no escape, no refuge, for the likes of him - those who have _sold themselves_ to the devil. He was filthy all the way down to his core and no matter how hard he scrubbed his skin until raw, he can still feel their hands on him as each one of them mercilessly tore him apart.  
  
Desperation led him to it. The first time he had done it replays back in his mind. There was no pleasure, only harrowing pain and it still eats him up from inside. He recalls the tormenting feel of his skin tearing, his back arching on the spring mattress, harsh sloppy thrusts, the thick scent of musk, tear-stained and miserable, voice raw and broken, his blood on the sheets, and 10,000,000 KR won falling before his eyes.  
  
He would run if he could, but there was no place for him to run to. Disappearing altogether would be better, if not for his younger brother’s teary embittered face flashing on his mind each time. His left wrist throbs, his fresh cut had come undone. _A temporary pain to relieve a temporary pain._ It was addiction at its finest.

 _Not too deep._  He’d hummed to himself, stopping the blade with his breath abated. Just enough for him to feel the pain, and  _enough for him to feel alive_. But he’d had days when he wanted to keep going, days when he didn’t want to stop at all…just a bit more to end it all.  
  
The Han looked magnificent tonight. The city of soul reflected in it looked like _sparkling glimmering hope_ in his eyes. He wanted nothing more than to burn as much of it in his mind. Alcohol is such a wonderful thing; it dulls away the pain – although fleeting. And at that moment, in his ridiculously drunken haze, he felt invincible. His name is Kim Jinwoo and when he lies down to sleep tonight and closes his weary eyes, he hopes that it would be the last.  
.  
.  
.  
There are things that come to mind when it’s dark out and one is alone. For him, it’s a certain memory from a not so distant past. And just like tonight, his mind slowly wanders back to that particular moment in time.  
  
_“Don't.”_  he mumbled to himself and smiled. A mere word from someone that became and still remains his form of salvation even now. With his car parked by the riverside, the Han flowing in the foreground seemed to disappear and become one with the night sky. Like a mirror, it reflected the _condescending_ lights of Seoul City. Tired and weary, he leaned back on his seat and let out a soft sigh, his calloused hands tugging his necktie loose.  
  
A figure slowly came waltzing out from the shadows over at his right. He halts his movements, eyes widening as he peered into the darkness. The figure staggering ahead is dead drunk, he soon concluded. Though he couldn’t see the face of the other person now standing 20 feet away from his parked car, he knew by his stance.  
  
He watched the figure in front of him stumble in the dark for a while longer, arms outstretched as if he’s carrying the weight of the world in them. Eventually tripping over his own feet, the figure fell on his knees, crossing his arms over his chest he fell on his side and laid on the ground.  
  
_Maybe, you and I are the same._  He thought, the faintest ghost of a smile on his lips.  _Maybe, you need saving too._  
.  
.  
.  
Harsh sunlight streaming in from the window between a drape gap, bathed his form. Jinwoo cracked one eye open then quickly shut them tight.  _Too damn bright._  Groaning, he rolled over and felt up the space beside him for the familiar ball of round fur – but today there was none. Braving the merciless sun, he slowly opened his eyes.  
  
_Where the hell am I?_  
  
Jinwoo stared groggily at the unfamiliar chandelier hanging down from the contemporary beveled ceiling that greeted him. Disoriented and with his head pounding, he gingerly sat up, one hand rubbing sleep from his eyes.  
  
To begin with, the opulence of the room he was in was enough to convince him that he had landed himself in trouble the previous night. He was neither bound nor gagged but judging by the sheer size of the bed he was on and the ritzy furnishing of the room, there was no way that it could be anything good. Good things don’t happen to people like him, only bad things do.  
  
Scattered images of his recollections from the night before flashed like a blur in his mind. There had been drinks, there had been singing, the fiery glow of a blinking stoplight, the sound of a train speeding by, the glistening Seoul skyline reflected on the Han, and finally, the feel of being tightly held in someone's arms.  
  
His confusion chased away lingering sleep and after slipping out of smooth luxurious sheets, he paused. Jinwoo stared down at himself, or rather at the sumptuous white button down shirt that wasn’t his.  _This is a first._  He thought to himself, slowly running his fingers on its buttons. His plethora of clients took his clothes off not put them back on. Then again, he couldn’t very well recall what had happened the night before. But there was one thing that he was certain of, he had remained untouched, still clad in his own boxer briefs.

He swung his legs off the bed, his head still lightly throbbing and his right knee stinging – catching sight of a big flesh-toned band-aid patch on it. He peeled it back a bit in curiosity, now seeing an inch and a half long scrape. The surrounding area was red and tender, the wound itself was raw. How he'd gotten it, he had no clue. Along with it he notices another band-aid on his left inner wrist. Someone had written something on the side, and it made Jinwoo raise a brow.

 **_‘Hajimayo.’_ ** **(Don’t)**

 _“How meddlesome…”_  he muttered under his breath, peeling it off. The scars on his left wrist resembled lines on a map, with the first cut being the deepest and not a clean one. He had meant to finish himself off but couldn’t in the end. He recalled how the blade he held sliced through his skin, how he’d pushed it in deep and how it tore through his flesh. Now the skin there has healed and despite all the terrible things he had gone through, he had remained alive.

He gingerly rose off the bed; one hand remained on it as he tried to find his center. Hugging the wall for support, he slowly made his way out of the room and into a spatial living room with a bar that lead to a dining area. The ceiling to floor windows boasted a magnificent view of Seoul’s urban landscape; it tempted Jinwoo to look on for a while.

On top of the divan, propped on the armrest was a guitar bag that Jinwoo didn't pay much heed to. He headed towards the sofa and on the coffee table lay the clothes he was wearing the night before – washed, pressed, and neatly folded. The brownish blood stain on the left cuff of his favorite worn-out gray hoodie now gone. Beside it was his wallet and under it a folded note. Jinwoo took his wallet first and checked its contents. Nothing was taken from it. He wasn’t surprised; there wasn’t anything in it worth taking in the first place. Taking the note, he unfolded it. On a five-star hotel stationery was a handwritten message.

  
  
**Hungry? Eat some yummy soup! Check the kitchen, it’s on the stove. If your head still hurts, take some medicine but make sure to EAT FIRST!!! I left the medicine on top of the bedside table along with some band-aids for your knee.**

**Don't move around too much and just rest. I’ll be back later this afternoon. Don’t go anywhere and wait for me.**

  
  
After re-reading the note a few times, Jinwoo crumpled it and left it on the coffee table. He walked over to the dining table; it had been set for one. His next stop was the kitchen, on the stove was a pot and on the counter was another note weighed down by a bottle of [ _Condition Power_](http://mylazydiary.com/show-item.asp?language=0&item_id=540&ref=).  
  
Reheating instructions for [_seollongtang_](http://asiaenglish.visitkorea.or.kr/ena/CU/CU_EN_8_1_5_2_9.jsp) was written down on it along with a ridiculous looking drawn [stick figure](http://rlv.zcache.com/stick_figure_chef_with_ladle_invitation-r81fa1f3448314f2ba93f2c5037d69971_zk9yv_512.jpg?rlvnet=1) riding on a ladle. Under it was a postscript.

  
  
**You should drink it. It’s good for you.** ☺

  
  
Jinwoo eyed the green bottle for a bit then his gaze went back to the note again, then back at the bottle. A minute later he sighed and turned away, limping towards the aforementioned pot from the first note sitting on the stove. Lifting the lid, he was greeted by the sight of milky white broth. Beside the pot was a plate with sliced meat and rice noodles covered with plastic wrap.  
  
Finally, he walked back to the bedroom. His head was still throbbing but it wasn’t as bad as it was earlier, his knee bothered him more, it stung with every movement he made. Glancing around, he noticed a basin half-filled with water on the bedside table along with a towel. Next to it was a box with English characters written on it, the medicine mentioned on the note he assumes. Underneath were some large sized band-aids and another note. Jinwoo hobbled towards it and after putting the medicine on top of it aside, he took a couple of the band-aids out - his eyes lingering on the note the whole time.

Back in the living room, he changed into his own clothes. He folded the white shirt he had on when he awoke and placed it on the coffee table. Noticing the note he crumpled earlier, he took it in his hand and slipped it in his pocket. The whole room was now bathed in shimmering sunlight; Jinwoo took a final glance before turning on his heel and leaving it all behind.

.  
.  
.

**A couple months later.**

It’s another Saturday night and just before the sun went down, Kim Jinwoo slipped into the backdoor of an adult bar in Itaewon called, PAPILLON. Chaos was already starting to unfurl with two girls fighting over the same dress. Jinwoo walks past them, uninterested. And as the argument between the two heats up, their voices rising, he takes a seat at one of the vanity tables lined up on one side of the room and starts to get ready.

Two hours later, _Kim Jinwoo’s existence is gone_. The person staring back at him in the mirror looked like someone that came out of a dream. Big doe eyes were lined and rimmed, multihued – to match with flamboyant sprayed in multicolor hair. Glossy light pink lips shimmered under the bright lights of the vanity table. Leaning forward, he examined the face in front of him from every angle before adding the final touch to its [transmutation](https://gm1.ggpht.com/1yueQJkBRv3HXVQwUpa7BVL26FLd46Z9PdRogcpwg6ZXcay1YCDrC5ECdyWYemMyyEK2DYzUmlcG8AhPK8qukBCkBh_zfOCYyjQGBhTjOMDcQOtwaVtrakUgzX3qrNBNmxk9ghDby6AqejNtza7HoERlQmIIrzd2ITyM4bUHZbkcPtlJMhL5ktyK0VBg7ky1yfZj3Ls0bidtzUi2Du_J1rnH0Ki3HXh6qlsIPmX92uSKDnI52-HAXsVGAoR8UB4BQ4yYqg-l7hZEUm-En1jCIbXiyZQipstbngrkJV859q3bl5LSp8pn7DhofjtNl25M6h8zMhlwRJNTy6Cjlsr5zvoNIXRf1nRbu-LMHwgwnYiQBBOFiRFLZpE_bHWMKBAQ3wzO85FoGlXCJlNAl0su8mXdHF-HAgqPu_6Bst4TlpF_bhv4Zggr7ZQHo1VMOgdcOkdrmMpwBPpFwr51WG65OXsgxStaV4xNU9g3vSnMtb6cEN2OE9ZA1tQmEuu4lpaWPNWpxxnbRzl4m_uP-H5i0a9FmcWNT6A1V_qLZOVPEhDafSFDeYxN8qrejylAbGwGdgv-QCQ9jra8Z9AxzVRPjqtF0Yvr3XzT-PlsksAa0u5oWTuLUTsnUeDIzAHSsOc=w1896-h730-l75-ft)…a little black heart under the right eye, drawn with an eyeliner pen.

He adjusts his black leather wrist cuff on his left hand, making sure that it covers all his scars before stepping out of the back room and into the bar, clad in his outfit for the night – black thigh highs, white hot shorts just shy of obscene held up by black suspenders, and a cropped sleeveless mock-neck top. His white heeled boots clicked with each step, the room plunging in momentary silence as everyone’s eyes fell on him.

PAPILLON (in French - BUTTERFLY) is now in full-swing. The lower level floor is an open drinking area lined with plush seats and glass tables for entertaining guests. Glitzy chandeliers, mood lighting, plastic roses, marble flooring, the smell of tobacco, well-practiced giggling, mirrors, preserved butterflies in acrylic cases.

As per the bars name, the owner has an obsession with them - butterflies. At night, they are all reborn, rising under a guise that the owner had created for each of them. All after one of the lovely creatures displayed behind the cases. He was no exception.

On one side was the bar, various spirits were on display along with platters of cut fruit ready to be served. Beside it was an elaborate marble staircase guarded by a well-built man in a suit. Dubbed 'The Stairway to Heaven', the upper level is where the bar really makes its money - a place where people like him _open up their bodies for a price_.

It’s only been five minutes and he’s already being requested. Following behind the bar manager, he walks towards his assigned table, three men in expensive suits stared up at him.

 _“What’s your name, beautiful?”_ One of them asks. The bar manager looked pleased, already knowing where this is leading.

_“Gentlemen, this is[Citha](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cithaerias_pireta). The elusive butterfly of Itaewon.”_

.  
.  
.

 _“So, how good are you Citha?”_ One of the men asks half an hour later, one hand on his drink while the other crawls up his bare thigh, barely grazing his crotch. The other two aren’t any better, one was staring up at him, having had one drink too many while the other had already started pressing his lips along his jaw.

He downs his drink in one go, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, _“Why don’t you take me upstairs and find out...”_

Upstairs, behind closed doors, the men quickly strip themselves. Pushed down on the bed, they crawled over him. _"Impatient, aren't we?"_ He giggled, tilting his head back and licking his lips in a teasing manner, just as he had learned from those before him.

And just like the other men that had taken him prior, they aren't interested in talking, only in taking every bit of him that they can. On his fours, the grip on his waist tightens, and the thrusting gets faster and sloppier. A string of breathless curses reverberate in the room. The one beneath him pulls him down, their lips crashing together. Across them another is waiting, watching him with hungry eyes as he stroked himself to match with their delirious pace. He grins at him, dark and seductive, sending him over the edge.

About an hour later, he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, counting money.  His nude body barely covered by the sheets. One of the men was already in the shower while another busied himself by peppering his bare back with open-mouthed kisses and smelling his hair. The third is resting on the bed, one arm languidly wrapped around his waist.

Eventually, the sound of running water stops. With a towel wrapped around his waist, the man grabs his pants off the floor, water dripping, and takes his wallet out of his pocket, walking over to him. Taking out some more bills, he forced it on his hand.

He frowned at him, not pleased that he was being given so much more than necessary. The man only chuckled, _“It’s a tip. Take it...”_ before tilting his chin up and kissing him fully, _“...I’ll be back to have a taste of you again soon, Citha.”_

.  
.  
.

 _It was just a job, none of it mattered, none of it meant anything._ He laid down on the bed for a bit longer after the men left, staring up at the ceiling and trying his best to even his breath out, chest throbbing with each intake of air. His vision grows blurry as his eyes fill with tears. _It's only your body they're taking._ He tells himself. _They can't take anything else._

The night is still early, and after a quick shower (body only), he heads to the backroom via a concealed stairway and carefully re-applies his make-up, adding a bit more color to his hair. The men he was just with were nice enough to not tear his clothes; he decides to wear the same outfit instead of changing into a new one. After taking a turn in front of a full-body mirror and making sure that his clothes, make-up and hair are perfectly in place - he saunters back out to the bar.

The bar manager hurriedly approached him, flustered.  Wondering what it's about, he paused in place and raised a brow.

 _“Table #4, he’s been waiting for you for almost two hours now!”_ The bar manager hissed, tugging his arm.

His gaze wanders to said table and he finds a well-dressed dignified looking older gentleman sitting there wearing a fedora, staring back at him. The old man looked extremely out of place.

“ _You should have just sent one of the others. One of the girls, perhaps. As per usual.”_

 _“Of course, we did!”_ The bar manager argued, _“He doesn’t want anyone else but you!”_

_“Look, I’m not the only one here who can suck a dick...”_

_“He paid.”_ The bar manager tells him, the grip on his arm tightening, _“Three times your fee. The whole night!”_

 _“What?!”_ He stares back at the bar manager in disbelief. _Who’d be crazy enough to do that?_ He didn’t know the old man and even if he did seem harmless now, who knows what he’d have him do or do to him once they’re alone in one of the rooms upstairs. His job was to mesmerize, to tempt, and to sleep with both men and women. It didn't mean he liked nor enjoyed any of it. Sex to Jinwoo by now was simply a way to make ends meet, his body physically reacted but his heart and his mind were never stirred.

As if reading his thoughts, the bar manager spoke up. _“He doesn’t want to do it upstairs. Elsewhere.”_

He meets the steady gaze directed at him. _No way in hell._ Not everyone who came back from such adult excursions came back sane and sound. Also, it would be his first.

 _“Decline it. I’m not going with him anywhere.”_ He pries the hand on his arm and hurriedly walks back to the back room.

_“Jinwoo-ya, listen to me...”_

_“I’m not Jinwoo!”_ The other people in the back room stared at them, he lowered his voice, swallowing thickly, _“...not this…”_ he pointed to himself, _“...not right now.”_

 _“It’s thrice as much...”_ the bar manager insists, tugging him back, _“...you need it, don’t you? For your younger brother. For your dad.”_ He stops resisting after hearing those words, the bar manager loosens his grip. _“Jinwoo…I mean, Citha...think about them. How you can help them. What you can do for them. Don’t think about anything else.”_

He worries his bottom lip, enough for it to tear and bleed. The bar manager grabs some facial tissues from one of the vanity tables and starts dabbing his torn lip with it.

_"It's just one night. Same as usual. Get fucked, get paid, get out. Easy money."_

He needed the money, badly. The bar worked on a 50/40/20 ratio. 50% to the bar, 40% the workers, 10% the underground gang whose turf the bar is on. Being paid for, thrice as much, for one night was ludicrous, yet at the same time is risky and highly suspicious.

 _“You don’t have a phone, take mine.”_ The bar manager slips his mobile phone in Jinwoo's pocket. _“If anything out of the usual happens. Call. I’ll come and get you myself.”_

.  
.  
.

Lip gloss re-applied, he shimmies out again to the bar, following behind the bar manager. The old man stood up from his seat as they neared his table.

_"We apologize for keeping you waiting. This is..."_

The old man waves his hand, cutting his introduction off and two men clad in black suits approached them. The bar goes quiet for a few seconds before whispering broke out. Jinwoo's well-practiced smile doesn't falter even when the men started to steer him towards the backdoor.

 _"Wait! Please..."_ The bar manager tries and the hired bar security closes in on them. He sees the old man start talking but he wasn't close enough to neither hear nor understand what was being said. He watches the bar manager's face, his insides knotting themselves as he slowly looked his way and nodded.

Outside the narrow and dark alley, a sleek black rolls royce is parked. It might be fancy to some but in his head it reminded him of a hearse car. Seconds later the old man exits the backdoor and the two of them end up staring at each other for a while.

 _"Please get in."_ The old man tells him, breaking eye contact first. One of the men clad in a black suit held the car door open. Folding his arms over his chest, he got inside and scooted to the far end. The old man got in after he put his seatbelt on, sitting on the other side. Silence settled inside the luxurious vehicle, as city lights whizzed by its windows. The old man had not said a word to him nor even looked at him, his gaze steadily fixed on the road ahead. Jinwoo crossed his legs, fingers drumming on his thigh he decided to break it.

_"So, what are your kinks old man? Tonight, I can be anything you want me to be."_

.  
.  
.

The vehicle went up a hill and stopped in front of a two-story modish structure just outside the city. Jinwoo isn't really sure where they are, being awful with directions since birth. The old man had not responded to any of his queries, making his apprehension double. He follows the old man inside house while the two men clad in black suits remained by the front door.

On one side was the living room - a black leather couch paired with an artistically modified coffee table made out of guitars with clear glass on top, a textured rug, red accent pillows, and a modern chandelier hung above. On the other was the open kitchen and dining area. The kitchen was in black and white, with granite countertops and a kitchen island. Across is a black dining table with contemporary chairs, above was another modern chandelier. It was all spotless and flawless.

Walking past it he was led towards [a lit up all glass staircase](http://tintab.com/images/stairs/hanging-glass-2.jpg). On the center of the second floor was another seating area, rooms extended left and right from there. Jinwoo followed the old man moving towards the left and at the door at the farthest end, the old man stopped and stepped aside - motioning for him to step forward and open the door himself. Heart beating erratically in his chest, Jinwoo placed his hand on the door handle and pushed.

The room was minimally furnished. An impressive 'super king' bed lay on the center along with side tables, a stylish lamp sat atop each one. With that they'd definitely have a lot of space to 'roll' around later on, Jinwoo thought to himself. On the right side were two doors and on the left was a huge cushioned bay window with decorative pillows, a guitar was standing on the side on its stand. Jinwoo turned back to look at the old man.

_"Please wait here and make yourself comfortable. Would you care for something to drink?"_

_"You're going to make me wait, old man?"_ He asks, leaning against the door frame, his top rising higher than it should, revealing more of his stomach.

The old man watched him for a bit, a small grin forming on his lips. He seemed amused, if anything. _"Sir, I must have you know that I'm not your client for the night."_

Jinwoo straightened up, _"But who's to say you won't be in the future..."_ He smirked, one hand reaching out for the old man's [ascot tie](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/58/da/00/58da00393d8cc91fc5b8c44ac851ed51.jpg) and lightly tugging it.

_"I won't be, let's leave it at that, sir..."_

_"Citha. Just call me Citha. Not sir."_

_"Then, Citha it is."_ The old man gently took his fingers off his ascot tie and placed his hand back on his side. _"Now, for something to drink...how does apple cider sound? I can heat some up for you."_

Jinwoo smilled, relaxing a bit. _"Thank you. I'd really like that."_

The old man smiled back, bowed to him and left. Jinwoo stepped inside the room and started to look around, across the bed was a tall media rack and a huge flatscreen tv. He slowly walked over to the bay window and took a seat, eyeing the [guitar](http://i332.photobucket.com/albums/m322/elitejean/img_20140826-162124.jpg~original) on the side. It was all black, its body covered in a mixture of written words in white and an assortment of stickers. Jinwoo crouched down in front of it, _'GO UP'_ the sticker on the center read, he lightly traced it with his fingers. He'd seen a guitar a few times before but never up close, or maybe he did, once. He wasn't really sure. His fingers slowly travelled up its strings, they felt foreign under his fingertips yet immensely fascinating.

A few light raps disrupted his thoughts; Jinwoo stood up and walked towards the door, hesitating a few seconds later. It could be his client, maybe he should climb on the bed.

 _"Citha, may I come in? I've brought some..."_ Jinwoo breathed a sigh of relief and quickly opened the door. The old man stood there holding a tray. A clear glass cup was on top of it filled with amber colored apple cider garnished with a twisted orange slice, dipped in it was a cinnamon stick.

.  
.  
.

The door opened with ease and as if on air, he silently made his way to the figure slumped on the bay window whose head was pressed against the glass. He leaned down and smiled, admiring his sleeping form up-close. Eyes wandering lower he was surprised yet mesmerized by the alluring yet chimerical-seeming sight before him. With a wistful sigh, he drew back. Cautiously moving towards the bed, he lifted the duvet and fluffed a couple pillows. Slipping out of his tailored suit jacket, he then removed his necktie, watch, and belt, leaving them all on the other end of the bay window cushion. He then rolled up the sleeves of his white shirt underneath and undid a couple buttons.

 _So, this is the other you._ He thought to himself. _"Nice to meet you, Citha."_ He whispered to the slumbering beauty, gingerly brushing away a stray strand of colored hair on his forehead, fingers lightly tracing the little drawn black heart under his right eye.

He carefully lifted the sleeping boy and taking him in his arms, he carried him to the bed. Once he's got him settled down, he started to painstakingly remove his tall heeled boots - pleased that he did not stir even once. He leaned over him, fingers on the hem of his thigh high's before warily pushing them past his knee where a faint scar was revealed. He pulled the material back up, delighted with how well it healed - now he eyes the leather wrist cuff on the sleeping boy's left hand.

He anxiously removed it along with the gauze wrapped around it, placing both on the side table prior to examining the pale wrist before him. His brows furrowed, noticing new cuts there that were spaced apart. Tears sprung from his eyes and before they can fall, he brushed them away with the back of his hand, finding it difficult to ignore the bubbling feeling of wanting nothing more than to hold him in his arms and protect him from harm. _It hurts,_ looking at him like this, what he had become - an _angel fallen from grace_.

After cleaning his cuts, re-bandaging his wrist, and putting the wrist cuff back in place, he carefully laid down. Adjusting the duvet so that it covered the sleeping beautiful boy beside him fully, and while doing so the boy stirred. He thought his heart would leap out of his ribcage as a pair of pretty eyes sleepily blinked up at him, only to slide shut seconds later with its owner pressing close and burrowing into his chest like a kitten, before drifting back to sleep.

Awed and humbled, his heart swelled. He runs his hand up the other boy's arm then back down again, repeating it - watching him, breath catching. He exuded an air of fragility, his expression soft and delicate, he almost seemed childlike. He missed his smile and the way he laughed, mirth depicted clearly in his eyes. He had always hoped to see him again, often conjuring images in his head of just what the boy pressed against him was doing. Meeting him again under such circumstances was unexpected. Harsh truths were revealed, his salvation had been damned. Still, he couldn't help himself - he loved this boy and he would do everything to keep him in his arms. Even if it meant venturing down to hell and snatching his beloved's soul right out of the devil's hand.

The boy beside him shifts and sighs, their foreheads touching. His tears came again and he lets them fall this time, glistening under the pale moonlight.

.  
.  
.

Jinwoo woke up to a loud unfamiliar ringing noise. He burrows himself deeper in the warm duvet, determined to ignore it. The ringing eventually stops and he sinks into his soft pillow to sleep some more. But the silence didn't last long, the ringing starts again and it grates on his nerves. He sits up, set on finding where the annoying noise was coming from and getting rid of it once and for all - when it dawns on him that it was him, the noise was coming from him, from his pocket. Jinwoo quickly takes out the still ringing mobile phone; Papillon's number was displayed on its screen.

_"Hello."_

_"Thank God!"_ The bar manager exclaims on the other end of the line. _"Are you alright?"_

Still groggy from sleep, Jinwoo wasn't quite sure if he was. He must be, he supposed, not feeling any sort of sudden ache or discomfort. That and he's still got all his clothes on, except for his heeled boots which he now finds propped on the side of the bed after a quick turn of his head.

_"Was the client rough? Are you hurt?"_

_"I'm...fine..."_ He answers, running a hand on his colorful sleep mussed hair. _"...I think..."_

_"You think?! What do you mean? Did he make you do anything weird?!"_

Jinwoo sighed, not keen on entertaining the bar manager’s barrage of queries. Besides, something strange is going on. His gaze falls on the tray atop the bay window cushion, the clear glass cup on it still had a bit of cider in it from last night.

_"I'm hanging up."_

_"What?! Don't you dare..."_  Jinwoo ends the call, turning off the mobile phone for good measure. Rising from the bed, he walked over to the bay window and took the cup from the tray.

The clicking sound of his heeled boots reverberated as he made his way down the glass stair steps. _Damn this house! It’s too big and too quiet._ He spots the old man standing wordlessly by the food laden dining table and he shoots him a murderous gaze.

 _“You drugged me.”_ Jinwoo accused, holding up the glass cup, a bit of cider still in it.

The old man doesn’t tell him anything and simply stares at him, mouth drawn into a hard line. Jinwoo chuckled in disbelief, confirming his suspicion. Biting his lip in irritation, the glass cup flies on the air, crashing against the wall behind the old man who neither flinched nor blinked.

 _“I won’t miss next time...”_ Jinwoo sneers.

.  
.  
.

**Later that evening.**

_"So, you're telling me that he paid three times your fee and all you did was sleep? **No sex.** Just sleep?"_

Jinwoo nods, pressing his lightly stained lips together. He did leave out _one little detail_ but considering the fact that he got a good night's sleep out of it and didn’t have to service anyone, he let it slip. It's a Sunday night and a lot of his female regulars flock to the bar to have a good time. From lonely widows to frustrated spinsters, the sexually curious, virgins in need of deflowering, or those who simply wanted a good fuck. If anything, he found them easier to handle than the men who can never seem to get sated.

The bar manager prattles on about cops, underground gangs, and the mafia. Jinwoo lets it pass from one ear to the other, turning in front of the mirror a few times. He opted for something more masculine tonight to entice the ladies - tight fitting black jeans that are sinfully ripped matched with a black see through long sleeve mesh top. A pair of black leather boots completed his look. He kept his appearance on the simpler side too, leaving his hair in its current shade, a soft chestnut with red undertones. Eyes lined in black and softly smudged, he resembled a bad boy/rocker of sorts. Every woman had one of those in her fantasies.

_"Hey! Did you just hear what I said?"_

_"Hmm..."_ Jinwoo hums, fixing his wrist cuff before popping some gum in his mouth. _"I'm stepping out."_

Compared to his male clients who liked to show off, the women tend to be on the gentler side. Though, he must admit, he's met a handful of troublesome ones too, poisonous self-centered vipers with expensive purses hanging down their arm. But tonight should be fairly easy - already, he spots one of his regulars standing by the bar.

 _"Citha..."_ She starts, reaching up to caress his face and press her body against his. He lets her, knowing fully well just how clingy she can get, letting his hand rest gently on the small of her back. A bad woman though, this one. Coming to see him despite being committed, the wedding band on her ring finger glistening.

He hears someone clear their throat behind him. Jinwoo doesn't turn back, knowing fully well who it is.

 _"I'm taking her upstairs. Take good care of the others while I'm..."_ He paused in awareness; the bar had strangely plunged into a tense sort of quiet. The woman in his arms lifts her head and fixes her gaze at the bar entrance.

 _"He's back."_ The bar manager whispers from behind him. Jinwoo turns his head and meets the stern gaze of the old man from the night before.

 _"Did you come for a refund, pops?"_ Jinwoo smirks, _“Or did you finally decide to have a taste...”_ lifting his shirt, he finished. The woman in his arms giggles, _“You can’t do that, abeoji. I was here first~”_

.  
.  
.

An hour later, Jinwoo is back in the mansion again. Being led up the same glass stairs and ushered into the same room as the previous night. He sits on the bed this time and beckons the old man to come inside. The old man complies, stepping into the room yet keeping his distance.

 _"So, where is he? The great bastard who paid for my services."_ Jinwoo asks in annoyance, scrutinizing the old man's features. _"Thrice as much. What a filthy rich egotistic asshole he must be..."_

_"I would greatly appreciate it if you would refrain from insulting the young master of this house."_

_"I think I should do it more. It gets you talking"_ Rising from the bed, Jinwoo walks over to the bay window and peeks out. The guitar from the previous night was no longer there, he noticed. _"What's he like? Does he do this often?"_ He asks, pointing at himself, twirling his finger a bit. _"Bring hookers home, gigolos...bed warmers_

The old man seemed appalled. _"No. The young master is a morally upright man."_

 _"Morally upright?"_ Jinwoo laughs, crouching down on the floor as he clutched his stomach. _"Then what does he want with someone like me?"_

There was a slight delay in response and before Jinwoo can press further, the old man spoke up. _"Please ask him yourself."_

 _"You know, I liked you better last night. Well, before I woke up and realized you drugged me."_ He stands up and climbs on the bed, lying on its center. _"Sit down somewhere. I'm not letting you out of my sight. We're going to wait together for that young master of yours to get his ass home."_

The old man remained standing by the door for the next couple of hours while Jinwoo stayed on the bed. A little after midnight he notices the old man shift, he assumes he'd grown weary holding on to his pride like that. _"That's why I told you to sit down."_ Seeing him take a quick glance at the window, Jinwoo had an inkling feeling. _"He'll be here soon, won't he?"_

.  
.  
.

A couple minutes before the _“young ~~bastard~~ master" _ was set to arrive, he orders the old man to head downstairs. Jinwoo rushes to turn all the lights off, plunging the room in total darkness, with only the moon to guide his way. He climbs back on the bed, curling up on one side.

For a while, nothing happened. _Did the old man expose him after all?_ He wondered. Jinwoo left the bed and exited the room and as he was about to take a step down the stairs, the front door opened. He dropped down on the floor before he could see who it was, heart pounding rapidly. How unexpected and illogical, his Citha was the type who never got fazed and yet there was crouching low and trying to keep quiet as he practically crawled back in the dark room and on the bed, heart beating so fast that he can hear it. Jinwoo took a few quick breaths, _calm down_ , he told himself - _you’re not Kim Jinwoo right now, you’re Citha._

It didn’t take long for him to hear the sound of steady footsteps approaching the room. Swallowing thickly, his breath catching in his throat when he heard the sound stop. The door swings lightly and Jinwoo finds himself staring at the bay window instead, watching its shadow as it slowly moved around from behind him while listening carefully to the sound of movement.

The bed dips and the cover rustles, Jinwoo closes his eyes and keeps still, curious as to what the man beside him might just be planning. He’s been paid for tonight and he’s willing to comply with pretty much any kink this client of his was into and if he was into fondling unaware and vulnerable individuals in their sleep then he’d gladly go along. He tenses, suddenly feeling warm air ghosting the back of his neck. _When did he get so close?_ Eyes closed, he feels lips gently press against his skin, from the back of his neck, to his collarbone, and finally his jaw. A hand slides down his thigh, climbing higher and resting on his hip and with a slight tug he finds himself perfectly pressed against someone so irresistibly warm, an arm slides around his waist anchoring him in place.

_“I know you’re awake...”_

Jinwoo audibly sighs, _“When did you figure it out?”_

 _"From the start."_ The person behind him presses closer, resting his chin on his shoulder. _“The lights were off.”_

 _“I'll have you know, I don’t like the way you do things.”_ Jinwoo starts, _“Paying me more than necessary, taking me some place unfamiliar, having your old man drug me, and last, paying my client to back off.”_

 _“He has a name, you know...Jeong Kyung - Han Jeong Kyung.”_ The arm around his waist lightly shakes him a bit for emphasis. _“He practically raised me.”_

_“He practically drugged me.”_

_“I just thought you could use some sleep.”_

_"You've been watching me."_ Jinwoo's lips curve into a smug grin in the dark. He finally turns to face his bed-mate, his client for tonight, _"And you owe me an apology..."_

His words died down as his gaze lands on the other boy whose lips were curved into easily the most charming smile smile he's seen in a while.

_"I thought you'd be a lot more older."_

_"I thought you'd be a lot more..."_ the boy pauses, pursing his plump lips in a way that Jinwoo found rather distracting, adorable, and alluring all at once. _"...frisky?"_

Jinwoo smirked, easily morphing his relaxed features into one that depicted feral lust. Eyes hooded, he reached out for the other boy's shirt, his fingers making quick work of its buttons. _"Think you can handle me, young master?"_

The other boy starts laughing. He grasps Jinwoo's hands, halting its movements. _"You sounded just like Jeong Kyung!"_

 _“Are you fucking with me?”_ Jinwoo questioned, lips upturned.

 _“Not yet, but I’d love to.”_ The other boy beams.

 _“Ya! That was a serious question."_ Jinwoo snatches his hand away and lightly smacks the other boy's arm. _"No one wants just one round.”_

The boy stops laughing and the two of them lapse into a somewhat tense silence. The other boy seemed to be contemplating and Jinwoo isn't used to it. His customers never spent time talking and quickly got down to business.

 _"I don't normally do this..."_ Jinwoo says moments later, sitting up and straddling the other boy. His fingers went back to the other boy's shirt, unbuttoning it completely and sliding his hand at the supple skin revealed underneath. He wasn't particularly muscular but he was well defined. The boy beneath him watches him with curious eyes as he traced a line down his rib-cage, his finger stopping right at the top of his trousers. Hooking his fingers, he tugged it lightly before leaning down and whispering in the boy's ear. _"Where do you want me? Bay window? Floor? Against the wall?"_ His tongue darted out, wetting his lips. _"Right here on the bed?"_

Then with no warning, the other boy sat up, flipping Jinwoo over so that he was the one underneath this time. With the moonlight coming in from the bay window and shining on them, Jinwoo was suddenly struck by how attractive the young man leaning over him was. Their eyes locked together and Jinwoo found himself wondering just what the other boy must be searching for in his.

 _"Don't do that."_ His voice sounded low and gruff in Jinwoo's ears. He didn't seem pleased either and for the first time since Jinwoo started this job, he was the first and the only one who didn't seem interested and eager in what he had to offer. Jinwoo's Citha was confident and aggressive, calm and composed, always in control - the men and woman that bedded him and he bedded had only begged for more.

 _“Am I not attractive enough for you?”_ Jinwoo finds his mouth going dry, something that has never happened before.

 _“You are."_ The young man answers quickly. _"So much more than I assumed.”_ There was a slight pause there and his next words made Jinwoo's heart skip a beat in a way that it shouldn't. _“I don’t want just a few rounds with you. I want something more...give me all of you."_

It didn't matter that Jinwoo found his smile endearing. It didn't matter that the arms holding him earlier felt perfect wrapped around his waist. It didn't matter that he quite liked conversing with him. It didn't matter that the boy seemed to feel something more towards him.

None of it mattered. He is just another customer paying to have his body. And this night, just like the others, is just another night on the job.

.  
.  
.

 

His eyes misted, tears threatening to fall, fine ash settling on his head and shoulders. Crumbling, crackling, collapsing - acrid smoke filled his throat, moving down to his lungs. A high squealing pierced his ears, sirens in a distance.

 _"Hyung! Jinwoo-hyung..."_ His name came out in a series of coughs, likely weakened by smoke filled lungs. His younger brother's arms wrapped around him weakly in an attempt to hold him in place, not quite succeeding.

He was so close but he couldn't reach him in time. He tried to run back inside the fiery inferno before him that was once their home, but his legs turned into jelly and gave out. Fumes so dark billowed out as uncouth heat wrapped around him. Tears cascaded down his cheeks and it didn't take long for him to be a shaking weeping mess.

 

.

 

 _"Jinwoo-ya, we need that money back."_ Glass shattered on the floor and the smell of soju filled the room. _"Your father borrowed it and now that he's indisposed, you're responsible for returning it."_ Sweat rolled down the side of his face as the gun pointed on his forehead slowly moved down. _"You don't want anything bad to happen to that little brother of yours, right? What's his name again?"_ The man stopped for a bit, pressing the muzzle of his gun on Jinwoo's chest. _"Ah! Taehyun. Your precious Taehyunnie."_

 _"Leave him alone."_ Jinwoo glared, mustering what little courage he had left. _"He's got nothing to do with this."_

 _"But you know..."_ The man edged closer, the gun moved down to the side of his stomach. _"...you're really too pretty for a guy."_

He shuddered as cold fingers crept under his shirt. _"Since you can't pay us with money right now..."_ the man paused, mouth twisted in a wicked grin that sent chills down his spine. _"...why don't you pay us bit by bit with your body instead?"_

 

_._

 

The flashing neon lights of Papillon resembled Christmas lights twinkling on a decorated tree. Sold to the highest bidder that fateful night, he was taken, bathed, dressed, and held into one of the rooms on the second level of the bar.

Jinwoo regretted his decision the moment the winning bidder entered the room. A foreign man twice his size who had the coldest eyes he had ever seen. Slammed into the door when he tried to escape and with his clothes torn into pieces, he was viciously dragged back to the bed, legs forcefully spread and held in place.

Excruciating pain ripped through his being as he was forcibly filled and violently pounded against the mattress. Vision blurred, tears filling his eyes, Jinwoo screamed but no sound came out.

 

.  
.  
.

The loud clattering of several items being dropped on the counter roused him out of his musings. Jinwoo looked up to see a young man with his headphones around his neck staring back at him. He'd seen him in the store a few times before. Diverting his gaze, he proceeded to ring up the boy's purchases.

It's Monday, well - Tuesday, technically, it's 1AM now. His shift at the convenience store started at midnight, on weekdays.

 _"I'm Sangchul."_ The young man tells him and Jinwoo nods in acknowledgement, handing him a plastic bag filled with his just paid for items. _"When you're free...do you want to grab coffee with me?_

Before Jinwoo could respond, a travel magazine was slammed down unannounced on the counter by a young man wearing a black fedora. _"He's mine. If you're done, get out."_

Slightly amused, Jinwoo takes the magazine and scans it. _"Would this be all for you tonight, sir?"_

_"Why aren't you a wearing a name-tag?"_

_"I don't want my name to get worn out."_

_'I meant to ask you yesterday but it slipped my mind."_ Jinwoo watched his teeth sink into his plump bottom lip. _"What's your name? I'm..."_

 _"I don't need to know your name..."_ Jinwoo cuts him off, _"...and you don't need to know mine."_

 _"How cruel."_ The other guy emotes, _"We just spent a night together too."_

 _"You make it sound like we did something more than literally sleep together on the same bed."_ Jinwoo chuckled, _"Nothing happened between us. If you'd like a refund, go and talk to the bar manager instead."_

The guy across him leaned on the counter and grabbed his arm. _"Hey, are you brushing me off right now?"_

Jinwoo pried his hand off and pulled back. _"Stay away from me. You're better off that way."_ And with that he left the other guy in the counter and headed to the back room.

Jinwoo stayed there for a while. Luckily, he worked the graveyard shift and not much people came in that late. He watched the guy from the previous night on the screen that monitored the security cameras at the store. He seemed dejected and lingered for a bit. Eventually, he headed towards the aisle for office supplies. Jinwoo watches him take a marker from there then head back to the counter.

Laying the magazine flat, he flipped through it. Uncapping the marker, he started to hurriedly write something on one of its pages. Once done, he closes the magazine and caps the marker. Placing it down on the counter together with the magazine.

Jinwoo watched him leave the store. Turning back once to smile and bow towards the security camera. Somehow, it seemed like he knew that Jinwoo would be watching him that way. Jinwoo let a few more minutes pass before leaving the back room and heading back to the counter.

There he spots two things. The marker and the travel mag. He reaches out for the magazine first, curious about what the other boy had written down. He hurriedly flips through it, stopping at a page that advertised trip packages to France. There, a [photo](https://gm1.ggpht.com/_TPMdSgAgm4oyPbaXwYExFSUnPx6xvYStKonoxh9ltXZt3NJ9BcZRysrVO2Iuyf9j0goLZquYa4ZhzhVaMcYL8msrppSFGmTVzPjwxndcrB6F9bqiNXkSq9kOokgtCjMLCduENv_vHAQT3At-xEoNmPi08mb9zPDVsH0WgQ6xO5F1CXXUmXUPplFFrJZo05BLM3NRQkZQB-sSWTpHUshMIb2TSnnKKkry_Z1iow1SJHaKN-HBbAmb9Wqx_0heYROKxOAtB1BjXnCwTH1R7UkUHUNLGckHBhUalGhKOQodvDKIeTK-6HYCJHoKDZr_KghS54Gl-xpD2cIIdgK-zCCltMnqbRSkkrR9PVa6H_HpExs5U5HjqsfqV_EDg4Q5pDurwL-h3qKspncdaP30WiPx339hAHB1GSJ4NTG3ebNtxd7MOexhqKA-oYOIijryVQh1VSboaq-CmLKQEu32OtmE41gaTbppOUOjGz5dQb_hrDTqLMslShTN9zaCvTALMUzyvN2iu9S2Z9FJ2iWqCh26w2ZbD6Ph_343zb2wzBVpA7F5X-6wc7UMH9N683541Sq6dwNSCqwtjn6ONEFsF8X1VYMLZ9C6eSyYW4xH6ew-hyJ0vJb3rGl-JlhVWMZ=w1896-h767-l75-ft) was featured - a warm glowing street lamp was on the right side with the dusk Parisian sky as its backdrop and the Eiffel tower in the distance.

 

**_Don't give up on yourself. Stay alive._ **

**_I've seen all your scars and I think they're beautiful._ **

**_It will get better._ ** **_I'm here._ **

**_\- KSY_ **

 

Jinwoo was taken aback. No one knew about his scars, he had always been careful and kept it hidden well. His mind goes back to the first night the old man showed up at Papillon, then the cider flashes in his mind. It had to be that night. _But, why?_ The whole thing didn't make sense to him. He has clients that sent him gifts and Jinwoo had always politely declined. Then this guy came along and Jinwoo not only finds himself lost, he's also intrigued. _Just who is he and why is he intent on coming after him?_ He was paid for sex yet they've **never** even done it once. He was _turned down_ even.

 _Who the hell does he think he is?_ Jinwoo wonders, feeling slighted after reading the postscript.

 

**_PS: Since you won't give me your real name, I've decided to call you MINE. It has a nice ring to it, don't you think?_ **

.  
.  
.

**THE NEXT NIGHT**

Jinwoo doesn't know what to think or do when the he comes by again the next night, wearing the same fedora as the night before. He had on skinny jeans that showed off his lean and long legs. Jinwoo wanted to get away and hide away in the back room like yesterday, but he couldn't with a few customers still browsing in the store. There was something about the other boy that kept Jinwoo on edge.

_"For yesterday. The magazine and the marker."_

A paper bill was placed on the counter and Jinwoo quickly pushes it back.

_"I already took care of it. It's fine."_

_"Um..Did you..."_ Jinwoo looks up, a wrong move on his part; they end up meeting each other's gaze. _"Did you read it?"_

Jinwoo straightens up, runs a hand through his hair - just then, one of the customers came by, placing her things on the counter. The other guy stepped aside to give her space. _"Hey."_ Jinwoo find himself saying and it's awkward as hell with both the other boy and the female customer staring questioningly at him. _"I threw it out."_

 _"Oh. I see."_ The other boy simply nodded while the woman beside him seemed to be confused.

The few remaining customers eventually lined up and Jinwoo busied himself with ringing their purchases. For some unknown reason, he couldn't keep his eyes off the other boy long enough. Stealing glances at him every few seconds, back facing him as he stood in front of the magazine rack and flipped though one of them.

Now it's just the two of them and all Jinwoo could hear is the faint sound of glossed paper crinkling each time the other boy flipped a page.

 

 

**THE NEXT NIGHT**

By the time Jinwoo gets to the store, the other guy was already there. He seemed to be in a much better mood, greeting Jinwoo with a wide smile that he ended up immediately returning with his own before he even realized. He was wearing a cap this time, his hair a little pulled back. Jinwoo changed into his uniform and the moment he stepped behind the counter, the other guy came over and handed him a paper bag, an even bigger smile on his face that almost made his eyes disappear. Jinwoo ends up letting out a little laugh without meaning to.

 _"Ah!"_  The other guy exclaims, staring at him.  _"I just made you laugh!"_

Jinwoo decides to ignore him, confusion painted on his face after opening the bag and taking out thermoses out of it.

 _"It's apple cider and coffee. I made it with Jeong Kyung!"_  The other boy seemed very excited about it, Jinwoo bit his lip trying to stifle a laugh. It seemed like he was waiting to be praised. 

 _"We didn't put anything in it this time!"_ The other guy quickly explained, a worried look on his face, it sounded a lot like a half-whine in Jinwoo's opinion, How his facial expression can go from excited to worried amused him but he wasn't going to tell him that. It was kind of interesting to see the boy in front of him lose his bearings even for just a bit.  _"With all the security cameras in here, did you think I'd be stupid enough to pull something like that?"_

 _"I don't know if you forgot."_ Jinwoo starts, biting his lip.  _"This is a convenience store."_

For a while the other boy didn't say anything. _"Those taste better than what you have here."_

 _"Ya!"_ Jinwoo smacks him lightly in the arm then quickly pulls back, surprised at what he had done.  _That wasn't supposed to happen._

 _"You know, I like you better like this."_  The other boy tells him, leaning on the counter and fixing his cap.  _"When you aren't trying to be somebody you're not."_

Jinwoo holds his gaze, not quite sure about how to respond to that.

 

 

**THE NEXT NIGHT**

It's 2AM and although Jinwoo didn't want to admit, he was kind of looking forward to seeing the boy with gentle eyes and a cute smile - whose name he still doesn't know. But it's already too late and he highly doubted he'd walk in at such a time. Though he usually stayed with Jinwoo til 3AM even helping him mop and re-stock the shelves. And when 3AM rolled in, Jinwoo gave up on waiting. It was nice having company, especially someone like him who didn't have any friends at all. 

But then the unexpected happen at 4:30AM, a black rolls royce pulled up in front of the store and 'boy with a cute smile' (whom Jinwoo now realizes looks like a puppy) alighted. He was dressed in a business suit and upon stepping into the store he greeted Jinwoo with his usual smile. He seemed tired though, Jinwoo immediately noticed.  _"Want coffee?"_

Jinwoo ends up getting him some from the vending machine. When he gets back, he's sleeping behind the counter right where he'd left him just a minute ago. He walks up to him and tries to fix his position a bit when he suddenly grabs his arm.

_"Sit with me?"_

Jinwoo finds himself doing so before he could even think too much. The other boy presses closer to him, just enough to lean against him. And then silence. A serene kind of silence that Jinwoo quite liked. As if in a trance, he ends up reaching out and burying his fingers in the other boy's hair, playing with the silky strands. He stared at him and caressed the side of his face lightly, careful not to wake him up. There was a ruckus of some sort going on in his chest but he chose to ignore it, his thumb grazing over his luscious lips a few times.

 _"That's it? You're not even going to kiss me?"_ And as the other boy's eyes fluttered opened, Jinwoo ended up leaving his seat too fast, in panic. He knocked over the coffee he just placed on the counter, spilling it on both of them and on the floor.

 

 

**THE NEXT NIGHT**

_"Has anyone ever told you that you're like a puppy?"_  Jinwoo asked the guy helping him stock the shelves.  _"You remind me of one."_

 _"Cause I'm cute?"_  The other guy tells him, smiling and placing his hands on the side of his face and blinking at him a lot.

Jinwoo laughs a bit.  _"More like, cause you follow me around like one."_

 _"I quite like it..."_  The other boy tells him, a soft smile still playing on his lips. _"...being your puppy."_

 _"What are you even saying?"_  Jinwoo ends up saying, smacking him again.  _"Sorry."_  He adds, running his hand on the spot.

 _"You know, we don't know each other's real name."_  Jinwoo stares at him and pulls back a bit, the other guy pulls him in lightly.  _"I mean, should we call each other by nicknames?"_ Jinwoo nods in agreement. He wasn't quite ready to share too much about himself.

 _"So, what do you want to call me?"_  The other guy asks, Jinwoo beams at him and touches his arm before full on laughing. Face flushed, he covered his face a bit before looking up at him.  _"Gang-aji!"_  (puppy)

The two of them start laughing together behind the shelves, Jinwoo quite liked it. He thought it suited the other boy perfectly. Now it was his turn, he stared up at him expectantly.  _"I already have something picked out for you. Actually, I've been calling you **it**  in my head already."_

Jinwoo tilted his head a bit, curious as to what the other boy's moniker for him might be.  _"Neh-Kuh."_ (Mine)

.  
.  
.

Saturday night arrived and before Jinwoo could even start getting ready for his shift at Papillon that night, the bar manager pulled him aside.

 _"You sly son of a bitch..."_ He starts and Jinwoo frowns in confusion, not appreciating his choice of words.” _...I don't know how you've done it but you've caught yourself one hell of a fine fish!"_

 _"You should go. Don't keep him waiting too long."_ The bar manager pushes him back out the same door he just came through minutes ago.

Jinwoo blinked a few times not quite understanding what the bar manager meant. He pulls the door open again, only for someone from behind him to push it close. Jinwoo turns back, coming face to face with the person whom he's been seeing all week.

 _"Spend the weekend with me."_ It felt like it's been forever since he last heard his voice and Jinwoo doesn't understand why he felt that way. They were just together hours ago. His voice sounded different from the night they first met but there was something very pleasant about it that Jinwoo found rather comforting.

 _"I have work to do."_ He tells him, mock adjusting his body bag just so the other guy wouldn't notice how badly his hands were shaking.. He's a little ashamed, to be honest. Forgetting his place. In the end he'd have to come back to this place and sell his body all over again.

 _"I am work."_ The other guy tells him, _"Your work."_

Jinwoo looks up at him, not quite understanding what he meant. The other guy steps back a bit and runs a hand through his hair, a faint blush coloring his cheeks.

 _"You said you didn't like it, taking you some place unfamiliar..."_ his voice was getting lower and lower until Jinwoo could no longer make-out his words. _"I mean..."_ his voice rises again, startling Jinwoo. _"...I'll be with you tonight, and tomorrow night."_

Jinwoo nods slightly, slowly making sense of it. What do they do now? Should he ask him to go to a hotel? He could but he felt a little guilty, the guy had already paid so much for him. And with the way things are between them, there was no way he could sleep with him in the same way he did with the other men before him. That's if he can even figure out what the heavy pounding in his chest meant or why his heart would suddenly feel a light squeeze each time the other boy smiled or looked at him. He wasn't Citha now and that worried him more than anything else. He is Kim Jinwoo - simpleminded, clumsy, lost.

 _"Where should we go?"_ The other guy asks him, Jinwoo bit his lip, not quite sure what to do.

Close to an hour later, they arrived in front of a two story complex with Jinwoo leading the way. The other guy seemed to have left his everything behind and the two of them ended up taking public transportation together. It was probably the most awkward half hour in Jinwoo's life, the two of them sitting together on the bus, side by side - shoulders and arms lightly touching with every slight movement the bus made. It didn't help that the other boy looked over him each time smiling a mysterious smile that made it difficult for him to breathe.

And at the last door at the end of the hall, Jinwoo inserted his key into the doorknob and turned it. The room was a moderate size, with the standard kitchen and a table for two on one side. Along with a makeshift living area that included a medium sized couch, a patterned rug and a coffee table (a closed laptop atop). A flat screen TV was on top of a medium sized shelving unit with separate compartments for other media devices. Behind the couch was a tall divider that kept the sleeping area somewhat separate from the rest.

 _"Rei!"_ Jinwoo beams, scooping the small furry creature in his arms that was just rubbing itself on his legs seconds earlier.

 _"Um, make yourself comfortable."_ Jinwoo tells the guy standing behind him. _"Would you like something to drink?"_

 _"You should relax."_ The other guy slides his shoes off and walks to the living room, turning once to face him, _"I won't push you down, you know. I'm not that kind of guy."_

.  
.  
.

Jinwoo started to move around the kitchen, fully aware of the attractive guy sitting on the couch watching his every move. It was the fourth time that he had dropped something on the floor and he was now berating himself for being so nervous and acting like a complete buffoon. He bends down a bit to pick it up, only to hit his head on the sharp edge of a protruding drawer. The pain was instantaneous, Jinwoo dropped down on the floor gripping his head.

 _"Are you always this clumsy?"_ The guy asks, leaving the couch and crouching in front of him. _"You're not as bold as you were that night I first held you."_

Jinwoo averted his gaze and hugged his knees while the boy grinned and slid closer. He tried not to focus too hard on the fingers now gently massaging his scalp.

_"Well, you're definitely a lot better than the others."_

_"But don't you say that to everyone?"_

_"I don't!"_ The fingers rubbing his scalp stopped. Jinwoo quickly regretted his sudden outburst when he sees the other guy staring back at him wide eyed. He averted his gaze, not used to the rattling that was now going on in his chest _"I've never said that to anyone else, just you."_

Jinwoo swallowed thickly as thin fingers moved against his skin, lightly grazing his cheek. There was something different, something weird, something electric, and Jinwoo couldn't pull away. He pressed his back against the cabinets as the other boy shifted closer, lips pressing against his. Soft, warm, and full of promise - it made Jinwoo's heart ache. Never had he been kissed so gently or sincerely. It was enough to make his heart burst.

 _"I'm sorry."_ He heard the other boy say as he slowly pulled away, just enough to look into his eyes and smile. _"I lost my head back there."_

Jinwoo didn't say anything, quite unsure about anything in relation to the guy in front of him, who he now realizes had broken through each wall he had painstakingly built.

 _"I don't do this."_ The boy in front of him tells him grasping Jinwoo's hand on his own. _"I don't take random strangers home and sleep with them."_

 _"Why are you telling me that?"_ Jinwoo asks, trying to pry his hand away but the other boy's grip on it was stronger.

 _"I didn't want you to get the wrong idea. I've never done this before."_ He says with conviction. _"I've never touched anyone else other than you either."_

Jinwoo was struck again by how young he looked. _"How old are you?"_

_"21."_

_"And you dare come after me?!"_ Jinwoo was grinning now, having suddenly found his confidence. _"You're the same age as my younger brother."_

_"Age is just a number."_

_"Your point?"_

_"I like you. I really like you."_

_"You're supposed to."_ Jinwoo looked down on the floor, his confidence leaving him just as abruptly. _"I sleep around for a living.With people I don’t even know, more than my fingers could count…”_

 _"I'm not like them!"_ The other boy cuts him off.

Jinwoo lifted his gaze and searched his eyes. _"Then why are you paying for my time?"_

 _"Because it's the only way you'd let me in!"_ It was Jinwoo's turn to get surprised. _"It's the only way that you'd allow me to stay beside you."_ The other guy then pressed their foreheads together _"I want you, and I don't want to share you. And if 'love' is too much for you right now - then I won't say it."_ He pulled away a bit and looked in Jinwoo's eyes again. _"But I know how I feel and I know I won't feel this way for anyone else."_

 _"Then, will you buy me each night?"_ Jinwoo asks, strung tight as a bow, breathing shaky.

_"I will, I can't stand the thought of letting anyone else have you."_

Jinwoo’s tears betrayed him as they started falling.

.  
.  
.

He didn't really need to know his name but it gave him something to pester him about. Seungyoon smiled to himself as he watched Jinwoo sleeping beside him, back against the cabinet and his head resting on his shoulder. He'd like to tell him so much more but now was not the time, seeing as how he had just cried himself to sleep.

Jinwoo probably no longer remembered that the two of them had met long before. He wasn't bothered the least bit, it was a beautiful memory after all. And if Jinwoo couldn't remember, he did, and that's already more than good enough.

.  
.  
.

 

A bright flash of light followed by the sound of screeching tires. _"Don't!"_ He hears and then the next thing he knows is that he's lying flat on the ground with something heavy pressing above him. That heavy something pressed against him made him gasp before disappearing. After that he's being pulled up and coming face to face with an ethereal looking teen wearing a gray hoodie who was probably around his age.

 _"Are you alright?"_ The teen asks him and Seungyoon finds himself dumbly nodding. He very much wasn't. _Everything hurt._

_"Can you walk? I live nearby."_

Seungyoon nods again and winces, the other boy upon noticing, reaches out for his face, and closely examines it.

 _"That looks painful."_ The boy says after staring at his busted lip for quite some time, making Seungyoon's heart race at an unimaginable pace. Slight disappoitment settling in his stomach when the pretty boy's fingers left him. _"Come with me. Let's get you cleaned up."_

The next thing Seungyoon knows, he's leaning against him and being led somewhere.

 _"Ya! Have you gone mad?!"_ It turned out that the gentle seeming boy he met earlier had a slight violent streak. That was the second time that he was abruptly smacked, though he does realize that he did deserve it a bit.

 _"Sorry, I didn't mean to!"_ The pretty boy goes into slight panic, his hand flying over the sore spot. _"Are you alright?"_ Seungyoon stares at him a bit, fine beautiful features and yet strong enough to be masculine. There was something about him that Seungyoon really liked, though he couldn't quite place a finger on it. Not that he needed a name for it just that he very much liked whatever it was

Seungyoon was sitting on the boy's bed while the other busied himself with patching him up.

_"We're lucky that my dad and Taehyunnie aren't here."_

_"Taehyunnie?"_

_"Taehyun, my younger brother."_

_"Why?"_

_"He'd make a fuss."_ The other boy chuckles and Seungyoon finds that it's a sound he really likes. _"He tries to act tough all the time but he's really a gentle guy deep down."_

 _"How about you?"_ Seungyoon asks, hoping he didn't sound so eager. " _What's your name?"_

 _"Kim Jinwoo."_ The boy tilts his head a bit, making him look even cuter in Seungyoon's eyes. _"Jinwoo."_

_"I'm Seungyoon. Kang Seungyoon"_

Jinwoo smiles at him and for a few seconds, his lungs forgets to be lungs. _"Seungyoon-ah, don't do something this stupid again."_ Jinwoo presses hard on one of his bruises for emphasis, making Seungyoon wince again.

He just felt so hopeless and before he knew it, he had walked right into oncoming traffic.

If Jinwoo hadn't been there, If Jinwoo didn't grab him...

 

 

.

 

 _Maybe, you and I are the same._  He thought, the faintest ghost of a smile on his lips.  _Maybe, you need saving too._

Seungyoon stepped out of his car and slowly walked over to the figure slumped on the ground. _Why did you drink so much?_ He wondered, crouching down and lightly shaking him. The person stirred a bit just enough for him to raise his head and slap Seungyoon's hand away.

 _"Don't touch me..."_ He slurred, keeping his face turned away, the back of his hooded head facing him. Seungyoon stepped back a bit.

The person attempted to stand up but was too drunk to keep upright; Seungyoon caught him before he fell on the ground and slowly brought him down. And as the hood of his hoodie fell away, Seungyoon was met by the very person he was just thinking about minutes ago.

He swallowed the lump that suddenly formed in his throat, hand rising to caress the face of the person he has longed for in years.

_Kim Jinwoo, I've been looking everywhere for you._

.  
.  
.

FIN.

* * *

 

 **Author's Note:** I will start by saying that through reading numerous Winner fics, I have come to realize that a certain mold has been unintentionally set for all five. This is understandable, acceptable, and highly enjoyable, especially when authors are trying to write their characters as close to the real thing as possible. I've read a lot of fics wherein Jinwoo is cute, innocent, sweet, naive - AND for this round I decided to change things up. In this fic you will meet a _darker, grittier and audacious_ Kim Jinwoo. I ended up writing a story that makes me smh and question myself BUT this is something that I know I won't regret even if it isn't well received. _If you still want to give this fic a go,_  I advise you to take a deep breath and keep an open mind.  **Thank you.** Also, this is the first full-length fic I've typed out on my mobile-phone. It was hard. I've dropped my phone on the floor and on myself quite a few times. _Your input matters!_ I would greatly appreciate it if you'd _leave a review_ and let me know what you thought of and felt about this newfangled Kim Jinwoo.

 

To those of you wondering where I got **'CITHA'** from.

[ **Citha** erias Pireta](https://www.google.com/search?q=Cithaerias+Pireta&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAWoVChMI3Y3Xmeb8xgIVklKSCh09lwxg&biw=1920&bih=924) (Blushing Phantom _'Clear Wing'_ Butterfly)

 

 

> [CLICK HERE FOR THE SEQUEL.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8548927)
> 
> [ **TRANSMUTED (A multichap WOT5 fic!)** ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8548927)
> 
>  


End file.
